***
In my life, I‘ve
gone straight from self-confidence to confession. I‘m starting to confess things
to myself that would be best left unspoken.
For example: the
world has stopped.
Not just my world,
but the world of everyone around me.
When we meet with
friends, we always talk about the same things and the same people. The
conversations seem new, but it‘s all just a waste of time and energy. We‘re
trying to prove that life is still interesting.
***
After a certain
age, we put on a mask of confidence and certainty. In time, that mask gets
stuck to our face and we can‘t remove it.
As children, we
learn that if we cry we‘ll receive affection, that if we show we‘re sad, we‘ll
be consoled. If we can‘t get what we want with a smile, then we can surely do
so with our tears.
But we no longer
cry, except in the bathroom when no one us listening. Nor do we smile at anyone
other than our children. We don‘t show our feelings because people might think
we‘re vulnerable and take advantage of us.
Sleep is the best
remedy.
***
„Time heals everything, don‘t you think?“
That depends.
Time can often make things worse.
***
People might be angry, stressed, or grieving over a broken
heart – and in the latter case, they might think they’re depressed and in need
of medicines and drugs – but they’re not. They’re just suffering from a broken
heart, and there have been broken hearts ever since the world began, ever since
man discovered that mysterious thing called Love.
***
Trusting the one you love always
brings good results.
***
You don’t choose your life; it chooses you. There’s no point
asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them and
carry on.
We can’t choose our lives, but we can decide what to do with
the joys or griefs we’re given.
***
It isn’t love (or is it?), but that doesn’t matter. My love
belongs to me and I’m free to offer it to whomever I choose, even if it’s
unrequited. Of course, it would be great if it were requited, but if not, who
cares. I’m going to give up digging this hole, because I know that there’s
water down below. Fresh water.
I‘m pleased by
that last thought: I‘m free to love anyone in the world. I can decide who
without asking anyone‘s permission.
***
There is none so blind as the one who does not want to see.
***
To find peace in the heavens, we must find love on Earth.
***
Though the brain
says all is well, the soul is lost, confused, doesn‘t know why it is being
unfair to life. But we still wake up in the morning and take care of our
children, our husband, our lover, our boss, our employees, our students, those
dozens of people who make an ordinary day come to life.
And we often have
a smile on our face and a word of encouragement, because no one can explain
their loneliness to others, especially when we are always in good company. But
this loneliness exists and eats away at the best parts of us because we must use
all our energy to appear happy, even though we will never be able to deceive
ourselves. But we insist, every morning, on showing only the rose that blooms,
and keep the thorny stem that just us and makes us bleed hidden within.
Even knowing that
everyone, at some point, has felt completely and utterly alone, it is humiliating to say, „I‘m lonely, I need company. I need to kill this monster
that everyone thinks is as imaginary as a fairy-tale dragon, but isn't.“ But it
isn‘t. I wait for a pure and virtuous knight, in all his glory, to come defeat
it and push it into the abyss for good, but that knight never comes.
Yet we cannot
lose hope. We start doing things we don‘t usually do, daring to go beyond what
is fair and necessary. The thorns inside us will grow larger and more
overwhelming, yet we cannot give up halfway. Everyone is looking to see the
final outcome, as though life were a huge game of chess. We pretend it doesn‘t
matter whether we win or lose, the important thing is to compete.
***
Who hasn‘t felt
the urge to drop everything and go in search of their dream? A dream is always
risky, for there is a price to pay.
***
Men cheat because
it‘s in their genetic code. A woman does it because doesn't have enough dignity;
in addition to handing over her body, she always ends up handing over a bit of
heart. A true cry. A theft. It‘s worse than robbing a bank, because if one day
she is discovered (and she always is), she will cause irreparable damage to her
family.
For men it is just
a „stupid mistake“. For women, it feel like a spiritual crime against, those
who surround her with affection and support her as a mother and wife.
***
I want to fall in
love with him again. I never stopped loving him. I‘ve always loved him and
always will – but our life together is verging on monotony. Love can withstand this, but for lust, it‘s fatal.
***
Can you train
yourself to love the right man? Of course you can. The problem is forgetting
about the wrong man, the one passing by who came in a door that was left open.
Without asking permission.
What exactly did
I want from Jacob? I knew from the beginning that our relationship was doomed,
although I never imagined it would end in such a humiliating way. Maybe I just
wanted what I got: adventure and joy. Or maybe I wanted more – to live with
him, to help him grow his career and to give him the support he no longer
seemed to get from his wife and the affection he complained be lacked at one of
our first meetings. To pluck him from his home, the way you pluck flower from someone else‘s garden, and plant
him on my land, even though I know flowers can‘t survive being treated that
way.
***
I should have
known I was just one more by the way he took me. Many times I left that damn
hotel feeling that way, telling myself I wouldn't see him again – all the while
aware that this was just another one of my lies and that if he called, I would
always be ready, whenever and wherever he wanted.
Yes, I knew all
that. And yet I tried to convince myself I was only looking for sex and some adventure. But it wasn't true. Today I realize that yes, I was in love, despite
having denied it on all my sleepless nights and empty days. Madly in love.
***
„Everyone has
days when they say: „Well, my life isn‘t exactly lining up with my expectations.“
But if life asked you what you had done for it, what would you say?“
...Nothing
happens without effort. You have to have faith. And for that, you have to break
down the barriers of prejudice, which requires courage. To have courage, you
must conquer you fears. And so on and so forth.. Let‘s make peace with our days.
We can‘t forget that life is on our side. It also wants to get better. Let‘s
help it out!
***
Dreaming isn’t as simple as it seems. On the contrary, it
can be quite dangerous. When we dream, we put powerful engines in motion and
can no longer hide the true meaning of our life from ourselves. When we dream,
we also make a choice of what price to pay.
Going after a
dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through
hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment, et cetera. But however costly
it may be, it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn't live.
Because one day they will look back and hear their ownheart say: „I wasted my
life“.
***
People like that
woman, always worried about what others think of their marriage. That doesn‘t
matter to me. The only thing that counts is what you think.
***
What is really
contagious is fear, the constant fear of never finding someone to accompany us
to the end of our days. And in the name of this fear we are capable of doing
anything including accepting the wrong peson and convincing ourselves that he or
she‘s the one, the only one, who God has placed in our path. In very little
time the search for security turns into
heartfelt love, and things become less bitter and difficult, our feelings
can be put in a box and pushed to the back of the closet in our head, where it
will remain forever, hidden and invisible.
***
Wisdom and
experience don‘t change the man. Time doesn‘t change the man. The only thing
that changes us is love.
May it always be
clear that only True Love can compete with any other love in this world. When
we give everything, we have nothing more to lose. And the fear, jealousy,
boredom, and monotony disappear, and all that remains is the light from avoid
that does not frigthen us, but bring us closer to one another. The light that
always changes, and that is what makes it beautiful and full of suprises – not
always those we hope for, but those we can live with.
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